weeee

So I've decided that rather than attempting another yard sale, just to freecycle all my leftovers. Things generally go pretty quickly when you freecycle them. I'm sitting here dividing stuff up in my head, what to take, what to leave, when I move. Since the kids will be spending weekends here, and the place we're staying has a bed for them they can share, I'm going to leave their beds here for now. Along with all major furniture etc. I'll come back for stuff later when I get a storage unit or when he has to move out of here and as needed... I'm so mentally exhausted. And of course being as mentally exhausted as I am, it makes me physically exhausted as well. I'm tired constantly. Not sure what's up with that really. All I want to do ever is sleep. Not sure if it's from the afore mentioned exhaustion, my thyroid, not getting good sleep or depression. Probably a combo of it all really. Calgon take it ALL away!

hmmmm...

Guess that last post sounded bad. I didn't mean throw in the towel as in completely. Just as in I give in to the stress and Steve and just stay with him even though that's not what I want. Or maybe I should just get over myself and move out like I keep saying I'm going to. I'm just so blasted scared. That's the only thing holding me back, is my fears of the unknown. I'm such a planner, that if something gets in the way of planning, I'm like a bad train wreck. Staying here, I'm a frazzled stressed out mess all the time. I've been eating myself fat again, stuffing my face constantly. I had my sister take a picture of me just a few min ago, I'm so fat in that picture that I want to cry until I can't physically cry any longer and never come out of my room... Good grief.

Stress

the driving force in my life. I hate it. I am near meltdown point. If it's not one thing, it's another, and somehow it always seems to be my fault somehow. I've gotten to the point where I'm about ready to throw in the towel...

blargh....

again. This week is actually going by quite fast for me. I think probably because I have had so much to do.Sunday, shopping, costco; Monday, babysat for a friend made dinner; Tues, went shopping, missed appt., made dinner; Wed. (today) babysat for friend, took kids to chuckie cheeses, made dinner, visited with other friend; Thurs, will babysit for another friend, go shopping, go out to dinner with friend for her anniversary, make my kids dinner; Friday: a day of rest? I like busy weeks though... less time to dwell on uncertanties and other unpleasant things.

The boys were certainly a good bunch today though... They seemed to have a lot of fun at chuckie cheeses too. Alex didn't even get fussy until right when we were getting ready to leave. Soooo good all day with no nap at all! I love days like this... they don't happen often, so I cherish them when they do....

another day another few $$$???

So I went to do laundry last night... found $2 in the washer! Yea! That doesn't happen often... Go to pull the same load from the dryer this morning... found another $5, wooot! So then this morning I'm cleaning out my purse to toss it in the washer with yet another load, and find another $8 that I didn't know I had! YEA! It's raining money or something!!! That's almost 1/2 a tank of gas right there! lol... How exciting! I love finding money I didn't know was there... I'm guessing the $7 from yesterdays load came from my hubby's camo shirt pocket too, along with that pen I found in the washer (that luckily didn't leak on anything that I could find). That's what he gets for not checking his pockets before tossing shit in the wash! HA HA HA! lol.. Normally I dislike doing laundry, but it makes it worth it when you find cash, lol...

Ho Hum...

About once a month I like to send out recipes from Tastefully Simple to all my friends, family and clients. Partly to try and get more interest in the products and to produce more revenue for myself. Things have been on hold for about a month with my business, with only a couple re-orders here and there. I decided a few days ago that anything I get from my business will go straight to school clothes for the kids, so I'm really pushing for the sales right now. I need to have a really good party desperately... What I'd really like to do is get my business going again. It's lulled a lot and that drives me nuts. I guess I'm just not a really good sales person, so I need to work on that aspect of it. I also need to order some stuff to try and get some corporate sales too with the gift packs. I have one lead for that already.

WHEW!!!

That update took a couple hours of copy/pasting... Man alive... Not doing THAT again!!! That being said and done, I'm glad I did it... I like the way this blog looks, and I can change it much easier than the other ones I'm using and it's still free. I like free, free is good....

Hiatus

Well, I went to a different blog site to blog for the past several months. Actually a couple different blog sites. So I guess what I will do is transfer everything over to this one from those... That way I can have it all on one... Maybe I'll just go back to using this one more regularly, who knows... Or maybe I'll just keep updating this one sporadically... Either way.... So anything before this post and after March '04 has been copy/pasted from my other blogs to this one... I may just go back and add some other "footnotes" as well, peppered throughout... Might make the progression of things make more sense...

so little money, so many great shows this summer... damn it I hate being poor, lol...

Current Mood: tired

Well we got a van the other night. It's the '05 Nissan Quest. The Sienna was 10k more and it just didn't feel right. It seemed cramped inside, didn't like the 50 pulls and levers you had to use to fold down the back seat. Plus the Quest had more safety features for the price than the Sienna did. And I already got to use one of those features at the commissary yesterday, lol. It has sensors on the bumper, so it tells you if you come within 6 feet of something and the closer you get the more it beeps. Well, I was attempting to back out, which is a huge pain in that parking lot just about any time of day, and this idiot decides to try and gun it behind me and get past. if it werent for the sensor thingy I might have hit them because I didn't even see them as I was looking in the direction they were headed at the moment. God I hate rude people. So that's my news... not much else new and exciting going on around here...

Well...

Alex is doing better. He's not one giant red spot any longer. which is a good thing. Today we're supposed to go look at vans and do some test driving... The Toyota Sienna is the one we're supposed to go look at. Got to go all the way to Everett to do that. That's the nearest dealership. Though I swore there was one in Burlington... I'll have to look online and check and see... They have everything else there, why wouldn't they have a toyota dealership? I also have a therapy session today, in the middle of the afternoon of course, so that kinda messes up the looking at vans plan. We'll work around it.. Because I'm not cancelling. I'm feeling soooo worn out and blah already today and it's only a quarter after nine. I didn't sleep well last night, or the night before. Been too hot in here and people/animals keep waking me up. Blech. I'd like one GOOD night of sleep please!

Current Mood: blah

Oh and...

I'm supposed to be getting an '05 Nissan Quest... For a minivan, they're pretty freaking cool. Good consumer ratings and good safety ratings. Got this weird round-ish console in the front and dual sliding doors. That is very helpful... Right now it sucks ass trying to get Alex in and out of his carseat. I'll get to pick the color too... I'm thinking Green, Silver or Blue... All will hide dirt pretty well, silver the best. Since I'm terrible at washing the cars, ha ha ha... Wish us luck for a decent deal... It'd be nice to have something with a warranty and no miles compared to the van we have now, that's probably going to kick the bucket sooner than later... It's got over 100k miles on it... Anyhow I'm tired, so off to bed I go...

Current Mood: tired

Sick Babies... :'(

So, some of you already know about Alex and his "rash", but for those who don't... it's no fun being a parent sometimes...Last week Alex got a series of immunizations. At the same appointment, he also was put on amoxicillin for an ear infection. Why they did both, I'll never understand. Should have given us the meds and said come back for the shots later. But they didn't. Which is the cause of most of my frustration and stress. Alex has had a reaction to either the amoxicillin (which is what they decided this is) or one of the shots. Since he got both the MMR and the Varivax at the same time, there was a little confusion for them. Because both can cause breakouts of the disease they are to be preventing, in rare instances. So a week after he gets the shots and starts the antibiotic, he wakes up with a small rash on his torso... At first we think it's prickly heat or something, from it being so warm and him wearing warm jammies to bed (plus he's a hot sleeper). Nope. That's not it, as it started spreading and getting steadily worse over the span of the day. We take him to the er, they are unsure of what it is, and decide that we should treat it like it's chicken pox and call the ped in the morning and have him seen the next day. So we do that. By the time he gets up in the morning it's twice as bad, and only getting worse. I call the ped's office. Leave a message as they're busy. 2 hours later, no call back, so I call again. Leave another message for on call nurse to call me back, this time more urgent. So they call back in about a half hour this time, apologizing for taking so long with the excuse that there's 2 kids in with iv's so all resources have been diverted to them. Acceptabe excuse I suppose. Good thing it's not a severe reaction, otherwise he might be dead by now, shit. So they want to see him, thinking it's an allergic reaction. So they schedule an appt with family practice, as peds is slammed because of afore mentioned children. Take him in an hour later and the dr decides it's an allergic reaction and that we should give him some benedryl to ease any discomfort and help him sleep. So we're now on day 2 of benedryl and it doesn't seem to be doing any good. He woke up this morning looking even worse than he did yesterday. He is acting perfectly normal though, eating fine... sleeping more because of the benedryl and had some nasty diapers as well. Hoping tomorrow he's better than today... otherwise I'm taking him into the civilian er and hoping for the best. Ack... what a long and stressful couple of days it's been. my poor kiddo!

The aftermath...

Had a little 4th of July bbq/party thing here yesterday/last night... It went quite well actually. The kids all seemed to have a good time, and the adults too... Went through a lot of beer though (well except me of course, I drank half a bottle of malibu rum, lol). Got to light off my ground bloom flowers.. always have loved those... took some good pics of our mortars and others as well.. The kids all got to do some sparklers... all in all it was a decent evening...

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: POTUSA - Love Everybody

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I have my horoscope sent to me daily from yahoo... then I go read what msn has to say... The one from yahoo is so fucking hilarious it's painful... Maybe that's what my stalkers problem is...

Sagittarius

Still trying to whittle down that list of prospective suitors? If your friends aren't sympathetic to your plight, don't pout. Problems like yours ... well, to lots of us, they're not problems. They're enviable situations.

So, on to other more (or less) interesting things... Got my hair chopped off again. It's just below my chin again. I love it! It's out of my face, and so much easier to take care of. I also got a new pair of jeans yesterday. And I'm happy to say, that they are one size smaller than what I have been wearing! YEA!!! About freaking time. You'd think that with loosing 30 lbs I would have lost a size. Nope, didn't until I made it to about the 35 lb mark... So I've lost a couple more lbs. But that fluctuates... I'm going to find a way to work out I think after I move. I have a new goal and this gave me renewed hope. My new goal is to be down to at least a size 12 by my birthday, so that everyone can give me $ or gift cards for my birthday/christmas to go buy a whole new wardrobe. That's my goal size. I can find everything cute in that size... And I won't have lost TOO much weight at that point, and will still have some padding on my butt so I don't kill with my boney ass when I sit in someones lap ;) So finding out I lost more weight, a definite bonuse to the weekend.
Oh hey, I've also decided to learn tarot, so if anyone has any good online resources to learn from, I'd much appreciate it if you'd pass along the link. I bought myself a deck yesterday...

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Foo Fighters - Times Like These

And today's....
daily tarot reading says:
Love: Justice
Touchstone: The Devil
Career: Strength

The atmosphere is hot and fiery today in the romantic sphere, much too hot for your taste! For you, who aspire towards clarity of feelings, it is even more difficult under the auspices of Justice, to understand the wild passions that have taken a grip on the people you're emotionally close to. The Devil is sweeping everyone off their feet today. That means that serenity, calm and quiet reflection are out of the window! Instead you'll need to cope with plenty of aggression and very possessive feelings. You'll need to overcome the traps that passion sets up. Professionally speaking, this could be a great day. You could make significant progress towards achieving your most ambitious goals. The Devil and Strength have a powerful, very beneficial effect on anything to do with work, and could offer you some excellent opportunities. This is absolutely the ideal day for accepting challenges! Today, you should be able to tackle things that you have previously shrunk away from. Prove to yourself and to the rest of the world that you are a force to be reckoned with!


My horoscope was insulting really... said something about my wardrobe and getting rid of clothes. Yeah. fuckers... I have 2 pair of jeans, but really am down to none at this point in time. So what do I do? I go to the store to get at least one new pair. Uh... yeah. Right. Unless I want to look like a fat cow with my jeans painted on, it's not going to happen. At least not from the stores in this friggin town. Add that to the list of reasons to leave here. Everyone has little boys, so you can't find clothes/shoes to fit my kids to save their lives and everyone is short and fat, so you can't find clothes to fit me either. Pisses me the fuck off. Especially when I REALLY need a pair of fucking pants. just one pair, that's all I ask. Last time I went "clothes hunting", it took me 2 months to find a pair of pants that fit me around here...

Current Mood: depressed

Things I want...

world peace, my children well taken care of, peace of mind, no stress, a vacation, out of this hell-hole town, time and money to do something fun, a good massage, instant fixes, everyone in my life to be happy, to be a better salesperson, a house, to go to or have a social gathering with no drama, just no drama period, a good and full night's sleep, therapy to work faster, a cloning machine, to go to college... There's more, but I'm too mentally exhausted to try and think and list them all... besides, that would make this entirely too long.


Oh and my daily horoscope for today:

Generosity is one of your well-known attributes. Going overboard to prove you love someone is another famous trait, and one you'll be especially prone to demonstrate now. But why do you feel obligated to prove anything?

And my Daily Tarot Reading:
Love: Death
Touchstone: The Moon
Career: The Tower

Today, you're somewhat concerned about your family. In a strange sort of way, you feel as if they have abandoned you, and that hurts. But don't let it eat you up! Sometimes it is necessary to put some distance between oneself and the people one loves most. After all, birds grow wings to fly . It's all part of the eternal cycle of life, there is no getting away from it. Keep your eyes on the road ahead, don't look in the rear mirror all the time. Your energy to find creative solutions to professional problems is being sapped by the association of the Tower and the Moon. Together, these cards indicate that you are a passive character who is easily discouraged by the first obstacle you come across. Instead of dwelling on your dark thoughts, try throwing yourself into some teamwork. United we stand, and your colleagues' enthusiasm will help to shake you out of your torpor.

Joins in...

the rhythmic desk percussion group.... How is it that other people can "know" what you want and you don't? Why is it an assumption that >I<>I<>I< can stop screwing up not only my life, but others as well. I'm expected to have answers and do things I'm not fully sure I'm ready for on other peoples time lines. I feel like I've got one person on each side of me tugging on me like a stuffed animal or doll screaming MINE! NO, MINE! Oh, wait... maybe that's because that's exactly what's happening! And I know it's 100% my fault. And I also know it's the repercussion of my previous actions. Right now I'm just waiting to find that my arms have been ripped off, or that both decide to just let go and let me fall on my face in the mud. I know that either way I'd deserve it. Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Suicidal Tendencies - How Will I Laugh Tomorrow