Today's daily Tarot reading... hmmmmm....

Your emotional life suffers from a lack of reflection today, dear Heidi. In fact, you have a great craving for freedom and for solitude. The question is: your need for love be strong enough to make you commit yourself to the person you love? The lesson you should learn from the combination of the Fool and the Star is this: listen to what you heart has to say. You should give more credibility to your feelings! In your working life, there's an aura of apathy and discouragement. The Fool and the High Priestess are interfering with your powers of concentration and making you somewhat distracted. Nothing seems to be able to motivate you in your work and you can't stop dreaming about an alternative career. But remember, all jobs have their tedious moments!

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: The Killers - Somebody Told me

Got...

My head shrunk on tues... I have to say it was an interesting first appointment. I have another next tuesday. I'm willing to drive out here if I have to once a week to get my head shrunk... I obviously need it... Walked out of there having cried, and it was only the intake appointment! Sheesh... Though it felt good to cry, I need to do it more often...

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Social Distortion - Tainted Love cover

So I finally made the decision to get my head shrunk. Wish me luck. First appt is tomorrow... We'll see how it goes.... I've been told it can be quite helpful as long as I go into it with an open mind and don't be surprised if I wind up back on meds again. Blech, more meds but I'm sure she won't do that to me immediately. There's a lot of crap that I've gone through that most people don't know about. Some know some of it because they know about my mother and her insanity. I'm thinking this is mostly preventative measures so that I don't wind up absolutely bonkers like her. Only time will tell on that, but so far so good. I'm thinking about starting at the beginning of my life and journaling about every significant memory as far back as I can remember. Hmmm maybe I'll ask the shrink about that idea. Maybe she'll read it, ha ha ha... Anyhow sure I'm boring anyone reading this... Sorry... Just felt like blabbering for the hell of it.... I'm tired, but not quite tired enough to go to bed yet. That and I've been plagued by very strange dreams again lately and it makes it really hard to get any good sleep. Last night there were funky pinkish colored worms living in the walls eating the house. And my friend Cristi was in the dream as well, but I don't remember what happened. At this point all I really remember is the worms and her and her house. Maybe they were eating her house, I can't remember....

Current Mood: weird

Holy Moly!

Well, Ian is officially 9 years old today. I can't believe he's getting so old. Though the more I think about it, the more I'm glad I started having kids young. Because that means I'll be younger when they move out and I'll have more energy to play with my future grandchildren should I have any. I'll be young enough to go do what I want and not worry about it :D Anyhow, I let Ian pick what he wanted for dinner, and at first he said Pancakes... though we've been eating a lot of pancakes lately, so I said to pick something else. Much to my surprise, he said Spaghetti. He normally doesn't care too much for spaghetti, but LOVED the way I made it last week and so I made it that way again. I put some howlin' horseradish, garlic garlic and onion onion in it and it turned out super yummy. Everyone liked it better than how I usually make it, so I'm going to start doing it that way from now on. Anyhow.... I'm just rambling now... So HAPPY BIRTHDAY my biggest boy!

Current Mood: happy

Well...

The claritin seems to be working already. I can totally tell the difference. I can breathe through my nose again and smell! lol... I think the advair might be working as well, as my chest doesn't feel as tight as it usually does. So there's some bonuses to going to the dr the other day. Even if I was there forever because they had someone else's records in my file (retards!). They thought it was odd that I dropped from 312 lbs to 164 lbs in like 3 months. Ya think? I've NEVER weighed 312 lbs in my life! That'd take one hell of a surgery, and me loosing a whole freaking person to loose that kind of weight. I knew I was over weight before, but damn, give me SOME credit, lol...

My dry socket is getting better as well.... I go in one last time on Tuesday and it should be fairly well healed by then. I also "get" to have x-rays. Fun fun. I hate those little thingy's they make you bite down on, they are always too big for my mouth and cut the roof and down under my tongue. Man that sucks. I've also got an appt with a psych. dr next week. Decided I've had enough crap over my lifetime that maybe some professional help might be in order. Being on and off of anti-depressants for years, I'd rather not go the medication route again and maybe just pouring it all out and getting a professional opinion might work better. And less physical side effects, unless they decide I'm nuts and lock me up, ha ha ha... So that's about all that's new with me for now...

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane

Went..

to the dr yesterday... Came home with what seemed like a grocery sack full of meds. Weeeee, lol. Found out I've not been breathing.... lol. Well, breathing, but not well. I'm now on advair for that. And part of that is also allergies, so I got my allery meds switched. So now I'm on 5 different things... Yea! I'm a walking medicine cabinet... lol....

Current Mood: blah

Damn tooth anyhow...

or lack there of... I got friggin dry socket! Argh! Talk about painful! I'd never wish this on my worst enemy. No wonder I was taking 1.5 pills to kill the pain. Went back to the dentist on Monday morning to find that's what had happened. No part of this has been easy on me. Now I get to go back in to the dentist every other day to have it cleaned, and packed with cotton until it's healing well on it's own. Weeeeee fun. He said it could take (and usuall does) up to 2 weeks. There's another set back in moving. Seeing as how I have to go to the dentist every other day, seems silly to drive 1.5 hrs each way to do this. So I'll probably be moving the first week of July. Probably start moving some of my smaller stuff that's already packed up this week to my friends house. Weeeee fun. I really hate moving... But I need to do this for me and my sanity.

Current Mood: calm

Been a while...

Since I last updated. Things here have been up and down... I got a tooth "pulled" yesterday. That was an interesting experience, as it wasn't just pulled, it was hacked into bits and sucked up into their little vacuum thingy. Got to love the whirring sound of a dental drill and the sound of snap crackle pop as the dentist chisels away at a poor defenseless dead tooth. The thing had been toast for years, a botched root canal from when I was back in high school. The crown had fallen off, filling fell out and the poor thing exposed for quite some time. Finally, it broke in half and because of that, had to go. It feels very strange to have that hole there now. Makes me feel like a freaking redneck poor white trash though since it's gone.. Maybe I can get a fake tooth at some point? Do they do that? They gave me percocets for the pain. I've already built a tollerance to the damn things in 24 hrs. Sadly enough....

So more in the news... My moving plans have been somewhat delayed. The friends we'll be staying with until we can get a place of our own are in the middle of remodeling one of the rooms that we'll be occupying, so we have to wait until that is done. Hopefully it won't be too long of a wait. And here's to hoping I get a second job quickly when we do get down there.. I'm still going to be doing the Tastefully Simple thing as well. If anyone is interested in helping me reach my sales goals for this month, consider ordering something. Everything is $10 or less (well, all the food products) and all the seasonings fit into just about any diet category from vegan to no carb. I'm hoping that once I move, I'll be able to really build my business and not have to have another job outside the home. That would be nice. Here's to hoping for that.... Anyhow, tomorrow is Ian's 9th birthday party. He'll officially be 9 on the 26th, but since we don't know what we're doing moving wise, we opted to do it early. Not that he's complaining... Well, long day tomorrow filled with a zillion of other peoples kids and sugar, weeeee! Wish me luck and sanity! lol....

Current Mood: sleepy

Blame it on Lacy...

So I've been sitting here since I got up this morning racking my brain trying to remember what freaking bands I've seen over the years. With going to festivals and stuff like that, it's hard to pinpoint just who I saw. Especially with so many of them being so long ago. But I've done a decent job of trying to remember, with some help of course. I'm up to 58 bands now, not too shabby I guess... Especially since Endfest on saturday was the first show I've been to since I moved out here to this crap ass town 3 years ago... So I blame it all on Lacy that I'm now sitting here brain fried after thinking so long and hard today about this, lol....

Current Mood: contemplative

It's been a good day for me. I got to sleep in first off. That was way cool. Then I had a business meeting with a couple who are trying to decide whether or not to be TS consultants. After that I went on a road trip to Bellingham with Lacy so she could have a biopsy done on her thyroid. Fun fun. Soon she will find out if she has thyroid cancer. While they were doing the biopsy, I took off and went shopping looking for a skirt or two. I found one at Value Village that I'm going to see about dying a different color (it's currently brown). If I screw it up, thats fine, cuz it only cost me a couple bucks. After that I went to the mall and Bath and Body works was having a big sale on all sorts of stuff, so I got some body lotion, 2 different shower gels, and the blissful blackberry room spray I've been searching for at every freaking bath and body works store around, lol. Since the room spray was on sale for $3 I got two so hopefully it'll last me a long while. Made me happy... After that Lacy was done and we went to Olive Garden and got some late lunch. Had the all you can eat soup salad and bread sticks and some chocolate lasagna...mmmmmmmmm.... I've not been to an olive garden in years, so it was a great treat. And fairly inexpensive. Cost us only $23 for both of us, and that's with Lacy having one drink. After that I drove us home since her neck hurt from the biopsy. Then I've been online doing some research on some random stuff. Also got 2 emails today from other TS consultants requesting some info from me about a notebook I put together and use at parties that sparked their interest. So they managed to make me feel smart and useful, lol... So I'm having a good day. Here's to hoping that the rest of the evening goes as well :D

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Stereophonics

FUN!

So I went to Endfest yesterday... That was pretty fun. Could have been a lot better, as they had several of the bands that I wanted to see overlapping and where they had the 3 stages set up (okay the two extra stages) was quite inconvenient. However, the bands that I did get to see that I'd wanted to see were great! And I even got flirted with at one point by a stranger, so that was kinda cool. That doesn't happen often to me at all, so it was flattering. I think one of the best parts was making fun of all the idiots who really couldn't figure out which outfit to wear, so they wore both. Seriously, when did wearing an ugly skirt over a pair of jeans become fashion? And talk about a lot of hot topic shoppers, holy hell batman... It was kinda funny. There were amazingly enough quite a few people older than dirt there, so I didn't quite feel so old. Though there were a lot of munchkins there, and that was actually really cool to see parents taking their kids to a rock show. Made me realize that Ian is old enough now and that I should start taking him to shows with me. I got a couple t-shirts... Which I needed a new shirt or 10, so that's all good. All my old t-shirts are pretty much dead. One band that impressed me was Queens of the Stone Age, because before they'd even play one note, they told everyone who was up on the lawn (where we were--the cheap seats) to come down to the pit, and that security just needed to back off, let everyone through and no one run. Which turned out quite well. Of course some people ran, but for the most part, everyone who wanted to bother going down to the pit area walked down calmly and all was well. We didn't stay for the whole show, as it was starting to rain, it was near the end of the night and we were all mildly sunburnt (again!) and tired. Good thing I wasn't the one driving this time, as I would have fallen asleep and driven us off the road, lol. I can't count the number of times I fell asleep in the car! Though comfort wise, we should have taken the van. And what a fucking long ass ride to/from Oak Harbor down to White River! Took us like 3 hours each way or something like that... Crazy! One thing I was disappointed about was that Social D was cut way too short. Could have let them go longer since they got their time cut into somehow... Sucked... There's some older stuff I would have LOVED to hear them do and they didn't get the chance to. I have to say, they fuckin' rock live, and they were flawless. Anyhow, I now get to add a few more bands to my ever growing list of bands I've seen live, and that makes for a happy me. I need to sit down and try and write down all the bands I've seen, just to keep track... :D

Current Mood: and happy

I've been told...

That I have a big mouth. I found this to be very true today in spilling the beans about a friend to a larger group of people whom she didn't want to know of her situation. Of course, it was purely an accident, as it came up in the course of a conversation/situation and it was just purely verbal diarrhea but still I did it. I'm terribly sorry of course, because I honestly did not mean to do it. But she's pissed at me and probably won't speak to me for the next 2 weeks and completely avoid me. So I'll just do her the favor and make it easier on her and bow out on social group activities for the time being. Damn I hate being in the dog house! :( Because I truly didn't mean to be a big fat blabber mouth. Oh well, I guess it's part of me I can't help because I just do it all the time without thinking and really, if it's that important to you, just don't tell me about it I guess. argh.

Current Mood: embarrassed

Friggin Grrrr

Okay, I hate computers right now. And children. And the combination of both. My other computer crapped out... not sure exactly what's wrong with it. So now I have the kids computer hooked up. Will be using this again for the time being... And of course as soon as I sit down to start doing stuff on here, like updating journal, writing emails etc, Alex plops down next to the computer and click! hits the reset button (mid email of course). Argh! And the day was going so well!!!

Not sure if I mentioned my tooth or not. I had a tooth crack in half yesterday while I was eating a bowl of cereal. Got into the dentist today and they removed the 1/2 that was bothering me and filed it down so that it wasn't sharp. I get to go back in on the 16th to have a full surgical extraction done. Weeee fun. Ack! And that just so happens to be the same day that Skye graduates from Kindergarten and does a little program. Fun. I'll see if I can call back tomorrow and change it for another day maybe. What a week so far!

Current Mood: confused