Broken...

That one word describes me. I've become severely depressed again. I can't think straight. I just hurt. Breathing, thinking, feeling, being. It all just hurts. I'm to the point where I randomly cry throughout the day.... hide myself away so no one can see, pull myself together quickly and go about my business. Often times it's in the van when I'm by myself. It's almost as bad now as it was when I had ppd after I had Skye. Except I'm not screaming at everyone yet. I'm sure the frustration of feeling this way and daily life will push me over the edge into that abyss again soon enough unless I get off my ass and get some help. I'm pretty close to that now... or just shutting down. My mind is so full of things, that I can't just focus on one and deal with it and move on to the next. It's all become one giant jumbled heap of crap and my brain is mush. Maybe Steve was right and I am crazy just like my mom, and I just don't know it yet. I tell ya what though, if I'm not now, if things continue to go the way they are for me currently, I'll be joining her ranks I'm sure....